“Mom, what’s palliative care?”
When my 15 year old said those words last week my heart stopped in my throat. A few years ago he made friends with an older man, J, in the neighbourhood who he had come to adore. We often joked that our son had adopted a grandfather, though that joke was pretty close to reality. These last few months J’s health had been declining. He’d had many hospital stays and we knew it was probably a matter of time, so when my 15 year old asked me I knew where the conversation was going and I was heartbroken.
I’ve spent the last week either taking care of sick kids or being sick myself. In that time I didn’t have much time for things like blogging (or anything, really) but that gave me time to reflect. & some of those reflections were on my blog. I love blogging even though sometimes it feels like I’m talking to myself out here, but I find that I’m doing the same old boring things. I think I’m ready to step out of my comfort zone. I have occasionally posted some personal things, but I tend to play it safe. I think I need more of those personal touches. I’m not ready, but who ever is? Get ready for the real, raw, hot-mess mom moments.
This week has been brutal. I spent Valentine’s night (AKA my husband’s birthday) with a sick, pukey toddler, and that was just the highlight of the week. The bug made it’s way through the house leaving no one behind. In a family of 7 that means over a week of dealing with someone puking. We did manage to have a sick-free day on Saturday where Hubby and I could catch lunch and a movie (date days/nights are still important!) the next day I woke up feeling like death. Lady Girl and I spent the day curled up together sleeping and watching netflix. I lived off of apple juice and applesauce for a couple of days, and it definitely left me hangry. Today I have no energy and my house looks like a tornado hit it after there was a war waged here and I’m too tired to really do anything other than be grumpy about it. Thankfully Hubby’s a better cook than he is a domestic engineer so my kids had home made meals and not take out for three days.
The one good thing about being sick is it seems to have helped me curb my pop addiction, something I’ve struggled with lately (by lately I mean always) , and now I’ve had a few sips of it here and there but I don’t crave it like before. I guess that’s the silver lining of being sick, right?
I’ve been in rut lately, in real life and with my blog/social media sites.
I don’t even really have a reason. I’m pretty sure it’s just that time of year.
While I love autumn this time of year wrecks havoc on my moods. I’m sure those of you that deal with any sort of depression understand exactly what I mean. I’m ready to get out of the rut though. To start feeling like me again. To get out and enjoy the beauty of the season before we’re hit with a billion feet of snow and we have to activate hibernation mode.
If you’re still following along here thanks for sticking around! I want to say it won’t happen again but I’m sure it will. Life with mental health means dealing with slumps like this.
No challenge this month.
I didn’t even finish the last challenge. I seem to start them all gung-ho and then somewhere around the middle I get bored. It becomes more like a chore than a joy, and blogging shouldn’t be a chore right?
We forget we’re doing this for fun sometimes. We start out blogging and think “yay!” and we get a few followers, then we start feeling like we have to post certain things for them or to keep them. While that’s great on something like my fan blog, it’s not so awesome for a personal one.
So, I decided I’m not doing a challenge for this month.
I may answer some challenge questions if I’m really stuck, as kind of a ‘writer’s block’ but it likely won’t be daily.
Interesting things happening this month.
I’m participating in my first internet read-along with Octavia over at Read.Sleep.Repeat (If you’re a book lover & you haven’t checked out her blog, you are seriously missing out!)We’re aiming to read five chapters a day of Game Of Thrones, and be finished by the 12th (or is it 14th since we started late? I don’t know, but whatever) I’m hoping this will be the kick in the butt that I need. I love the series, but I think that because I started out by watching the show it makes it hard to get in to the book because, for the first book at least, I know what’s coming. But I will get through it this time, and continue the series. (or, that’s the hope anyways)
This past weekend was crazy busy. My awesome SIL, Kat, came up for some fun Canada day stuff and spent the weekend (7 kids in one house under 12. Wheee!!) The kids always have fun when they’re cousins are here.
Today pretty much sucked. It was one of those days where everything that could go wrong, did. I found out my steam cleaner hose was broken, after I already poured stain remover on the carpet, Then I get a call from the daycare where Blue & Ladygirl go. I have to go pick up Blue because he’s having a rough day (probably due to the fun,crazy weekend) Of course Hubby isn’t home, so this means I have to take the older two up with me. They aren’t wanting to go. I pick up the younger two, and come home. Thankfully hubby got home shortly after.
Then, my doorknob breaks to my main door. We call the landlord who, at first, doesn’t want to send someone out, but then says he will.
To end it all, I spill pop (soda?) on my favourite shirt/jeans.
The only good part about today was playing Cards Against Humanity with my neighbour. We laughed at many things that we probably shouldn’t have, but we had fun.
If you could travel back in time, what would you tell your 10-year-old self?
I know right now you feel lonely, with mom not there all the time, and most of those kids at school being jerks to you, but don’t worry, in a few months you are going to meet an awesome girly who you will become fast friends with, and you will remain friends with her for the rest of your childhood and well into your adulthood. We are still friends!
Those other kids, the bullies, you won’t see them again once you leave school. They don’t really matter in the real world.
I know right now you are in a hurry to grow up and make your own choices, but slow down. You have it pretty good right now.
In eight short years you’ll lose your beloved papa. It will break your heart. Enjoy the time you have with him now. Even when he embarrass’ you.
Trust me, you may not understand it right now, but you are going to miss him. Bad.
Try to go easier on your grandma. She’ll be gone soon too. She loves you, even though she doesn’t show it.
She may not be your biological mother, but she is the best mother you could have asked for. Hold on to her love.