Depression Is A Fickle B

Hey strangers!

I’ve been on a little blog hiatus. To be honest the last few months have been mentally exhausting.  Some days it has taken everything in me just to get out of bed and do the daily things (making sure the kids are taken care of)  as a result I have been a crappy blogger. 

Things are starting to come around though! 🙂 

The Sick House

I’ve spent the last week either taking care of sick kids or being sick myself. In that time I didn’t have much time for things like blogging (or anything, really) but that gave me time to reflect. & some of those reflections were on my blog. I love blogging even though sometimes it feels like I’m talking to myself out here, but I find that I’m doing the same old boring things.  I think I’m ready to step out of my comfort zone. I have occasionally posted some personal things, but I tend to play it safe.  I think I need more of those personal touches. I’m not ready, but who ever is? Get ready for the real, raw, hot-mess mom moments.  

This week has been brutal. I spent Valentine’s night (AKA my husband’s birthday) with a sick, pukey toddler, and that was just the highlight of the week.  The bug made it’s way through the house leaving no one behind. In a family of 7 that means over a week of dealing with someone puking. We did manage to have a sick-free day on Saturday where Hubby and I could catch lunch and a movie (date days/nights are still important!) the next day I woke up feeling like death. Lady Girl and I spent the day curled up together sleeping and watching netflix. I lived off of apple juice and applesauce for a couple of days, and it definitely left me hangry.  Today I have no energy and my house looks like a tornado hit it after there was a war waged here and I’m too tired to really do anything other than be grumpy about it. Thankfully Hubby’s a better cook than he is a domestic engineer so my kids had home made meals and not take out for three days.

The one good thing about being sick is it seems to have helped me curb my pop addiction, something I’ve struggled with lately (by lately I mean always) , and now I’ve had a few sips of it here and there but I don’t crave it like before. I guess that’s the silver lining of being sick, right?

Let’s Talk

Reviving this from the archives because it’s important! 
(Original post dated Jan 27th 2016)

Today is Bell’s “Bell Let’s Talk” day. The day where Bell donates 5⊄ for every tweet with the hashtag #BellLetsTalk, for every view their official fb video gets (right here)  and for every text and call sent from a Bell mobile phone, or long distance call from a landline. They do this every year, and honestly it’s one of my favourite days.
Sure, it’s slactivism, but you know what happens on BellLetsTalk day?
People start to talk. They talk about mental health on twitter, on fb, on their blogs. They talk about their mental health &  how mental illness has affected them.

Did you know 20 % of Canadians experience mental illness in their lifetime?

I’m one of them.

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I’ve been in rut lately, in real life and with my blog/social media sites.  
I don’t even really have a reason.  I’m pretty sure it’s just that time of year. 
While I love autumn this time of year wrecks havoc on my moods. I’m sure those of you that deal with any sort of depression understand exactly what I mean.  I’m ready to get out of the rut though. To start feeling like me again. To get out and enjoy the beauty of the season before we’re hit with a billion feet of snow and we have to activate hibernation mode. 
If you’re still following along here thanks for sticking around! I want to say it won’t happen again but I’m sure it will. Life with mental health means dealing with slumps like this. 762333

Today Was A Struggle

Today has been a struggle. I knew it was going to be when I woke up. That feeling that creeps over you when you’re depressed is one you can’t describe. It’s like the earth pulls you down, every movement you take is forced, draining your energy until you feel like you can’t do it anymore and you break down. Today I cried for no reason while my husband was out running errands with our toddler. I didn’t have the energy to clean up, or to even look at the mess. I didn’t have energy to even exist today. 

But I did. I got out of bed, I cleaned up the important stuff (dishes) and left the other stuff until hubby could get home and help (because what’s the harm in that?) 
Today I continued even though my depression tried to stop me. 
I didn’t laugh in it’s face, I didn’t pull out of it or even through it. In fact it’s still lingering, but today I faced it, and survived. 

Today was a struggle, but I got through it.

I didn’t post this for a pat on the back. I posted because I know there are many others out there who struggled today. Maybe you were able to get through it, maybe you stayed in bed all day. Maybe it’s been many days of bad days. I won’t say they’ll get better because I know you don’t need to hear that again. I just wanted you to know you’re not alone.