“Mom, what’s palliative care?”
When my 15 year old said those words last week my heart stopped in my throat. A few years ago he made friends with an older man, J, in the neighbourhood who he had come to adore. We often joked that our son had adopted a grandfather, though that joke was pretty close to reality. These last few months J’s health had been declining. He’d had many hospital stays and we knew it was probably a matter of time, so when my 15 year old asked me I knew where the conversation was going and I was heartbroken.
I’ve spent the last week either taking care of sick kids or being sick myself. In that time I didn’t have much time for things like blogging (or anything, really) but that gave me time to reflect. & some of those reflections were on my blog. I love blogging even though sometimes it feels like I’m talking to myself out here, but I find that I’m doing the same old boring things. I think I’m ready to step out of my comfort zone. I have occasionally posted some personal things, but I tend to play it safe. I think I need more of those personal touches. I’m not ready, but who ever is? Get ready for the real, raw, hot-mess mom moments.
This week has been brutal. I spent Valentine’s night (AKA my husband’s birthday) with a sick, pukey toddler, and that was just the highlight of the week. The bug made it’s way through the house leaving no one behind. In a family of 7 that means over a week of dealing with someone puking. We did manage to have a sick-free day on Saturday where Hubby and I could catch lunch and a movie (date days/nights are still important!) the next day I woke up feeling like death. Lady Girl and I spent the day curled up together sleeping and watching netflix. I lived off of apple juice and applesauce for a couple of days, and it definitely left me hangry. Today I have no energy and my house looks like a tornado hit it after there was a war waged here and I’m too tired to really do anything other than be grumpy about it. Thankfully Hubby’s a better cook than he is a domestic engineer so my kids had home made meals and not take out for three days.
The one good thing about being sick is it seems to have helped me curb my pop addiction, something I’ve struggled with lately (by lately I mean always) , and now I’ve had a few sips of it here and there but I don’t crave it like before. I guess that’s the silver lining of being sick, right?
Today has been hard.
It’s been 7 years since I joined the club. The one no one wants to join even though we all know it’s inevitable. I just hadn’t been prepared to join it as early as I did. Having me young meant I should have had years before losing my mom. Before becoming part of the motherless daughter club. Instead she left this world shortly after I had my first daughter. Yes, I’m grateful she got to know my boys, but now I’m also raising two girls without the guidance off a mother. I wish she had gotten to see the kids growing up. She’d love the different personalities they have.
As hard as today is I still have something to be thankful for. Today, I’m thankful for the time I had with her. For the memories I have. For those close to me who listened to me go on and on about my mom today, for those who kept me in their thoughts and sent me positive energy/prayers. For those who helped me get to her funeral when I never thought I’d make it.
November is usually the time the bloggy world talks about all the things they’re thankful for, and while I love the idea I’m not so great on doing it everyday, so I think this year I’ll switch it up and do a weekly thankful.
November rolled in with some great news. My brother and SIL (plus their kids and my other sister) are moving closer to me. We’re going to be neighbours. Literally. We’ll have a wall between us. I know some people would be cringing at the idea, but I’m excited. We’re all really close and my SIL is here constantly as it is, to have them close for real will be a great thing for all of us, including the kids. So this week this is my big thing that I’m thankful for (and the fact I get along so well with my Sister in Law that she’s willing to move close to me) It still seems surreal because it all happened so fast, but as of December 1st they’ll officially be my neighbours. Christmas dinner is going to be fun and easy this year 😉
Halloween was fun. The weather stayed gorgeous so we didn’t have to trick or treat in the snow (seriously, we’ve done it some years) This year C went with a friend – yes my 15 year old still trick or treats, no I don’t even care if you think that’s ‘okay’ or not. He enjoys it and his happiness means more to me than some random online people. C dressed up as Gingy (the gingerbread man from Shrek) and had a blast. Mister was The Grim Reaper, Blue was a demon, Lady Girl was a witch and Little Miss was a ghost. We lucked out and found the boys’ costumes at goodwill (in mint condition) and the girls re-used old handmade costumes that we added new colours and accessories to. They were super cute. This year Little Miss was just over 2, so it was her first year out of the stroller, walking up to houses. She made it over half way before needing to be put in the stroller. She was absolutely adorable with her little “trick or treeaat” and “thank goo” <3
How was your Halloween?