Depression Is A Fickle B

Hey strangers!

I’ve been on a little blog hiatus. To be honest the last few months have been mentally exhausting.  Some days it has taken everything in me just to get out of bed and do the daily things (making sure the kids are taken care of)  as a result I have been a crappy friend and wife.  Trying to explain what my form of depression is like to others is like trying to describe a kiss to someone who has never experienced it. Impossible. Some days I feel almost normal, I can do things without having to force myself too much, but then other days it’s like I’ve fallen into a hole and climbing out takes all my energy. Some days getting out of bed seems like a daunting task, never mind actually going out into the world. I’m lucky to have the friends and family that I do, people who care for me, who understand that my depression and anxiety isn’t everything I am, it’s just one part of who I am.

I read all these mommy blogs, the pinterest moms, the traveling moms, the moms who seem to have it all together and I wonder if I’ll ever get there. Because right now not only do I not have it all together, it’s unravelled and all over. I fight the storm going on in my own head, clouding my thoughts.

I know this was different from the usual stuff that I post, but I feel like people don’t talk enough about their mental health and sometimes we need to have an open discussion about it. 

Don’t worry, I’ve spoken with my caregiver and I’m on the right track to getting myself back. It may take time, baby steps, but I’m going the right direction now and that’s all that matters. 


Talking To My Teen About Death

“Mom, what’s palliative care?” 
When my 15 year old said those words last week my heart stopped in my throat. A few years ago he made friends with an older man, J, in the neighbourhood who he had come to adore. We often joked that our son had adopted a grandfather, though that joke was pretty close to reality. These last few months J’s health had been declining. He’d had many hospital stays and we knew it was probably a matter of time, so when my 15 year old asked me I knew where the conversation was going and I was heartbroken.

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TVD Forever


A post shared by Vanessa H (@mzvanessah) on

I don’t know if any of you watch The Vampire Diaries, but I’ve been a die hard fan from the start, and last night marked the series finale. True to the way TVD always has been the episode sent us on a whirlwind of emotions right up until the end. I cried, I smiled, I cried more.

Cut for spoilers. If you haven’t seen the finale and don’t want spoilers don’t read more.

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